By Harlowe Pilgrim
(Jesus and Santa's brush with skydiving greatness. Featuring Jesus and Santa as they appear in the novel Jesus Vs. Santa by Harlowe Pilgrim.)
"Holy shit!" Jesus said.
"What the hell is that?"
"It looks like …
some kind of giant fucking balloon," Santa said.
"Huh. Like some giant fucking
kid let go of it, and it floated way up here, right?"
"Yeah. Something like that."
"Jesus—this
is so far up, we're almost in outer space."
"You talking to yourself again,
Jesus?"
"Yeah, I guess I am. Well what do
you say? Should we go check it out?"
"Sure, if you wanna. I'm game."
Santa stood up in his sleigh. "Alright, boys! LET'S FUCKING GO,
HO HO HO!"
The reindeer heard, and launched in the
direction of the Unidentified Floating Object.
"Look at that!" Jesus said,
the silvery form looming massive before them. "It must be, like
fifty-five stories high!"
"Pretty tall for a goddamn
balloon."
"You think that's what it is,
Kris? A big-ass balloon?"
"It's either that," Santa
said, "or a freaky-ass spaceship."
"Damn! Look at that!" Jesus
said. "A freaky-ass spaceman!"
A figure had appeared in a portal at
the bottom of the craft.
"Well, that does look like
a space suit," Santa said.
"Yeah—see?
It's got a space helmet, and other space shit."
"I bet it's just a guy in a suit."
"Not a freaky-ass space alien?"
"Jesus, have you ever seen any
real freaky-ass
space aliens?"
"Around here? Only the ones we
let in from time to time, to harvest and probe the weirdos."
"Ho Ho Ho! I hope you're
kidding."
"Yeah, sure I'm kidding. Maybe.
Weirdo."
###
-Harlowe
Pilgrim
Copyright
2012 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC
