Wrapped up in Halloween
A man wraps his member in a ton of gauze, so it looks enormous, and takes it downstairs to show his wife.
"Trick or treat, honey," he says, proudly thrusting it at her.
"It must be a trick," she says, "because we both know there's no way the little guy could hold up all that gauze on its own."
Halloween Hookin'
A kid in a costume walks up to a couple of sexy hookers standing on a street corner.
"Trick or treat!" the kid says to them.
One hooker looks at the other, and smiles a slutty smile. "I don't know," she says. "How do you turn a treat?"
A goblin
"Do you think I should be a goblin for Halloween?" the young lady asked her boyfriend.
"Sure," he answered, zipping down his fly. "But why wait 'till Halloween?"
Too spirited
I went on a few dates with a good lookin' ghost, but it didn't end very well.
The last time we went out, she slapped me across my face!
And all I did … was feel her BOO-bies.
Scary-ass costume
A trick or treater came to my door wearing an Obama mask.
I reacted instantly, slamming the door in his face, and running to hide under my bed.
I've always been scared to death of clowns.
(feel free to substitute the politician of your choosing)
She really gave it up
A mom overhear's her son on the phone.
"Yeah, she opened it up wide for me, and I went in deep … everything I wanted, she just let me take it … a bunch of other guys came too … and she took care of 'em all. She's the easiest one I know—that's for sure. You should hit that! Okay, I'll see you later."
He hung up the phone, and mom made her presence known.
"Uh hum … well, I never … I don't know what to say! You just wait 'till your father comes home, young man!"
"Why, mom? You think he's gonna want some of my trick or treat candy? I was just telling my friend, old Mrs. Thomas really gave it up—but shouldn't dad have to get his own costume? And get his own damn candy?"
Halloween wisdom
Eat as much as you can, and keep some wrappers handy.
Because if you let a pixie stick pour into your goody bag …
you might end up with a little monster.
Frankenstein's penis
A not so well-known fact is that the Frankenstein monster's penis was sourced from the corpse of a donkey-dicked porn star.
Unfortunately, Frankenstein was so strong, and used his penis so hard, that the stitching which held it in place was overpowered and snapped, rendering the once mighty monster sexless and frustrated.
Which was what all the moaning and groaning and asshole behavior was about.
Think of all the sexless and frustrated people you know. They probably act the same way.
-Harlowe
Pilgrim
Copyright 2012 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC
Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks, Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.
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