By
Harlowe Pilgrim, for The Shit Creek Times (All the
News that’s Fit to Shit)
Recent
developments at the U.S. Southern border have left many scratching
their heads.
Have
the events surrounding the surge of tens of thousands of illegal
immigrants into the United States all been part of a horribly
misguided government policy, putting both the country and the new
arrivals at risk?
Or
have the events surrounding the surge of tens of thousands of illegal
immigrants into the United States all been part of a horribly
malicious and cynical
government policy, putting both the country and the new arrivals at
risk?
Heretofore,
opinions have been divided, as ordinary people have struggled to get
their arms around what, exactly, the hell is going on.
And
now, there is a brand new angle to the controversy—a
scandal brewing that is likely to cause a Washington DC shit
explosion unrivaled by even the baddest bean breakfast burrito.
An
unnamed source has leaked (and not in a burrito diarrhea sense, this
time) the startling details of the Obama administration’s latest,
and possibly greatest, scandal:
Obama’s
Soccer Conspiracy.
 |
| Use your head, Barry! |
The
source has confirmed that the illegal immigrant surge has in fact
been orchestrated by the government. Hardly a surprise in and of
itself, the shocking twist is in the motivation for the surreptitious
act.
What
do you get, when you import third world ‘huddled masses yearning to
eat free’ into your country?
Besides
disease, “No hablo ingles” … and some quality drug
connections?
You
get soccer fans!
In
what amounts to yet another government power grab, President Obama
and his cronies have busted the border in a cold, calculating attempt
to pull off an unprecedented sports coup … and impose soccer
on the United States of America.
This
action has boiled up out of a despicable
melting pot of Big Sporting Good’s financial interests
(apparently, they have a lot of balls) and the establishment’s
desire to internationalize sports entertainment in the US.
Also
consider, the likelihood that President Obama played soccer while he
was a resident of Kenya (mistakenly thinking it was Football,
no doubt).
And
word is, Micheal … I mean, Michelle Obama played soccer back
when she was still presenting herself as a man.
Even
media superstar Glenn Beck is in on the president’s scheme …
having delivered tractor trailer loads of soccer balls to the illegal
immigrant camps on the border, like a fatter than usual,
short-haired, sobbing Santa.
There
are even unconfirmed reports that Glenn was a bit of soccer
player, way back before he presented himself as a woman.
At
the end of the day, Americans should just be thankful … that they
still have their guns.
So
they’ll have something to shoot the TV with, when the World Series
is being preempted for some damn soccer game.
###
Copyright
2014 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC
