Pop Goes the Virginity Auction

So let me get this straight … if I sell myself for sex, that makes me a whore—but if a twenty-year-old Brazilian girl auctions off her virginity, that makes her some kind of a hero?

Not that I can auction off my virginity; it's way too late for that (thankfully). Although I suppose, despite all the witnesses, I could try and lie about it.

Which is something the (so far) anonymous winning bidder of this virginity auction should watch out for. I'm just saying, better have the goods inspected before you hand over that $780,000 check, mate.

You read me right: $780,000 is the reported amount of the winning bid.

As a matter of fact, I think I'd check out the goods myself. At $780,000 a pop, virgins don't come cheap nowadays.

Once you get up off the floor, lets kick around some other things your $780,000 would buy you:

• Enough gasoline to drive the wheels off your smart car
• So many trips to Disney World you'll be Goofy
• At least two private concerts with the washed up musical act of your choosing
• One trip to Las Vegas (cocaine fueled sex parties included)
• Sex with about 78,000 ten-dollar hookers
• Sex with at least 3,900 already de-flowered (but perfectly nice) girls.*

*I assumed a date would be required prior to most hook-ups

So as a value (not values) proposition, I'm not so sure this deal measures up for the buyer. But it's reported that he's a Japanese dude—and in Japan, they pay this much for a tuna fish. So if you think of it that way, maybe it's not so far out of line after all.

I guess there's something to be said for eating your tuna, and having it too.

Still, it sure is a lot of dough for a dip in the juice—especially when you factor in her lack of experience. But what if she's worth even more once she gets some experience below her belt?

Which begs the question everyone is asking: how much for sloppy seconds?

The bidding starts now.

-Harlowe Pilgrim

Copyright 2012 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC

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