Turkey Bakin'

"Hey―what are you doing in here?"

"A little steamin', a little boilin', a little bakin'…"

"Um … I'm afraid I don't understand."

I'm fixing Thanksgiving dinner."

"You are? But …you're a turkey."

"Yes sir, I am indeed."

"So … what's for dinner? Not a …"

"Turkey? Oh no, of course not. We're having chicken."

"Chicken? Who the Hell ever heard of chicken for Thanksgiving?"

"You have, now. And frankly, I don't give a shit—on Thanksgiving, it's every bird for them-fuckin'-selves!"

-Harlowe Pilgrim

Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks,    Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.

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Pokin' and Prayin' Pilgrims

"What's the huge smile on your face for?" said one Pilgrim girl to the other. "All these chores we have to do?"

"No, silly. On the way here, Nethaniel stopped me, and took me into the woods. He absolutely ravaged me―it was wonderful."

"Oh … well … I'm sure our religion doesn't tolerate that. I sure hope you don't burn in Hell for it."

"Aw, don't be silly. It was just like church; we prayed the entire time."

"You did?"

"We sure did. I kept saying 'Oh God' , and he kept saying 'Oh God' …"

-Harlowe Pilgrim

Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks,    Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.

Follow on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/HarlowePilgrim

Mom sure loves cooking

Johnny's mother was preparing a big Thanksgiving feast, and all the guests arrived at the same time.

He greeted them at the door. "Happy Thanksgiving," he said.

"Happy Thanksgiving," they replied.

"Where's your mom?" one of them asked.

"In the kitchen … sucking off the turkey."

"She's what?"

"You know, with the baster thing. It sucks off the juice, and squirts it all over?"

-Harlowe Pilgrim

Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks,    Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.

Follow on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/HarlowePilgrim