Oh say can you see?

By the Dawn's early light? 

I'd like to see ...

So which one's name is Dawn?

Harlowe Pilgrim's 'Patriotic as they come'

(click the link)

Copyright 2014 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC

Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks,    Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.

Follow on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/HarlowePilgrim

Deep

How Deep is your love?

I know,

Nobody has to tell me,

Nobody has to sell me,

I fuckin’ know.

My soul,

Nobody has to find me,

Nobody has to guide me,

Nobody has to remind me,

It’s my fuckin’ soul.

I know,

Nobody has to try me,

Nobody has to ply me,

Nobody can ever deny me,

I fuckin’ know.

-Harlowe Pilgrim

Ps. Deep, huh?

Copyright 2014 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC

This piece appears in the ebook Harlowe Pilgrim's Oh My Words! 2014.

Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon,
iBooks, Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.

Follow on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/HarlowePilgrim

Harlowe Pilgrim Reviews – The Reluctant Jesus by Duncan Whitehead

It’s not every day you find out the father you grew up with is not your real dad.

Rarer still is the day your mother tells you she’s … a virgin.

Enter The Reluctant Jesus, quite an amusing novel by Duncan Whitehead.

In this story, Whitehead treats the reader to a compliment of interesting characters, clever situations and witty quips.


“The Manhattan Streets were flooded with secretaries and (female) office workers in short skirts and skimpy tops which contained less cotton than a Tylenol bottle.”

The action centers around Seth Miller, your friendly neighborhood architect-bachelor, and the surprising ‘revelation’ that he is actually the son of God (well, A son of God), with an Antichrist to battle, and the future of the world on his shoulders.


The first few chapters are essentially foreplay, but soon enough my funny bone was fully engorged, and enjoyed a fulsome tickling, to the end.

I recommend this book for the reader who’s looking for a laugh, and rate it at 4 out of 5 stars – a good score for a good book.


-Harlowe Pilgrim

Copyright 2014 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC

Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks,    Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.

Follow on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/HarlowePilgrim

Best Ab Workout

What is the best ab workout?

People are always asking me, so here it is.

Best Ab Workout:

1. Roman Chair Sit-ups
2. Crunches
3. Fucking

Just perform these exercises to exhaustion, and you’re guaranteed a great ab workout every time.

Unfortunately, one of the exercises can be a challenge to do in your typical commercial gym.

And that exercise, is … Roman Chair Sit-ups … because not every gym has a Roman Chair bench.

In that situation, I would substitute either Incline Sit-ups, or extra fucking at the end.

Which reminds me to remind you to take care and ALWAYS perform these exercises in the prescribed order.

Because if you do the fucking first, there’s no way you’ll bother with the other two.

And trust me, that … is experience talking.

-Harlowe Pilgrim

Copyright 2014 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC

This piece appears in the ebook Harlowe Pilgrim's Oh My Words! 2014.

Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks,    Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.

Follow on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/HarlowePilgrim

Harlowe Pilgrim’s Titty Bar

A long time ago … (actually quite recently)

In a galaxy far, far away … (it’s really not that far away)

At the crossroads of Beer, and Babes …

Stands a spectacle so spectacular …

You’ll want to visit again and again … and tell your friends.

We proudly present to you,

Harlowe Pilgrim’s Titty Bar …

         
http://www.pinterest.com/harlowepilgrim/harlowe-pilgrims-titty-bar/

Please be our guests …

And come again.

-Harlowe Pilgrim

Copyright 2014 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC

Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks,    Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.

Follow on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/HarlowePilgrim

Voilà … Weatherboobs!

Tell the weatherman to stick it in a windsock.

“Why?” you ask.

Why not.

“What did he do?”

He can’t forecast the weather for shit—that’s what.

Alas, not to worry.

With apologies to Bob Dylan: You don’t need a weatherman to tell you how the wind blows.

Nipples are way more sensitive than Doppler radar.

So all you need to get your own, completely accurate and up-to-date weather reports, are … boobs.

They can be yours, or someone else’s.

First bare them, then take them outside.

And, voilà … weatherboobs!

From now on, the weather will be easy:

If the boobs are dry … it’s not raining.

You can just smile, wave to the neighbors, and go back inside (if you want).

If the boobs are wet … it’s raining.

Or they’ve begun to perspire. Either way, they’re lovely.

If the boobs cast a shadow … the sun is shining.

Any reddening would also tend to confirm the sun exposure.

If the boobs are swinging … the wind is blowing.

Or they’re enjoying the fresh air so much, they’re dancing.

If the boobs do not cast a shadow and are not wet … it’s cloudy.

But they’re still out cheering everybody up, so no one is gloomy.

If the boobs are bouncing up and down … there is an earthquake.

Or, someone’s jumping on the trampoline again, and those things are going crazy.

If the boobs are covered with ice … there is frost.

Does anyone need glass cut?

If the boobs are not visible … it’s foggy.

Or maybe someone’s hands are on them.

If the boobs are white … it’s snowing.

At least, that’s one thing it could be.

If the boobs are underwater … there is a flood.

Those happen sometimes. And it’s not always a bad thing.

If the boobs are spinning round and round … there is a tornado.

Or someone has returned to the stripper pole.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

And if one is unable … or oddly, disinclined … to subject their tatas to the great outdoors … there’s always weathercock.

It works exactly the same way … you just stick your cock out there.

But keep an eye on him.

You don’t want your rooster wandering off (think of all the poor hens).

Ask any woman … it’s best to keep a pecker on short leash.

-Harlowe Pilgrim

Copyright 2014 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC

This piece appears in the ebook Harlowe Pilgrim's Oh My Words! 2014.

Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks,    Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.

Follow on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/HarlowePilgrim

Different ... Strokes?

You know what the right direction is for stroking lady parts?

Cockwise!  (naturally)

You know what the other right direction for stroking lady parts is?

You thought I was going to say counter-cockwise, right?

Well, if you have the counter space to work with, then fine - have at it.

A counter's as good a place as any.

Breast of luck to you,

-Harlowe Pilgrim

Copyright 2014 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC

This piece appears in the ebook Harlowe Pilgrim's Oh My Words! 2014.

Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks,    Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksellers.

Follow on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/HarlowePilgrim